My turn

Okay, So the past month i have been getting some comments from people that kinda hurt. I usually tell them what i think when it happens but with me being kinda emotional i have tried to bite my tong and walk away...with that said i do have some things i kinda want to clear up...

Number one, I AM A CHRISTIAN...contrary to some beliefs i HAVE asked the Lord into my heart. I do know that he is My Father, My Creator...some people have it in their mind that if you believe in God you are not able to get angry at him, and if you believe that, more power to you...I'm not here to tell you how to live your Christan walk..But for me i believe that is okay for me to be angry...to have questions...I will never be fake in my prayers to him...if i want to yell, I'm going to yell...same with crying. I know that God understands, and i know that he cares. There would be something wrong with me if i didn't feel that way at this time in my life....I'm angry that my baby girl died, that my husband lost his job, and my son is still suffering. I know that God has his master plan in this and i cant turn my back on him...but knowing that still doesn't mean I'm not allowed to hurt and I'm not allowed to have a real relationship with God...I have NEVER once said i don't believe in him....so to those who say I'm not grieving the Christian way, i thank you for your concern but i disagree. I don't judge you, so please don't place judgment on me.

Second, I KNOW I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO IS STRUGGLING! seriously people, I'm not blind. But that doesn't mean I'm NOT ALLOWED to feel this way. One thing i cant stand is when people who haven't been through anything like this come to me saying that their life is perfect and how if i have their attitude mine could be too...I DON'T WANT PERFECT...i just want my family to have some breathing room from constantly struggling with medical issues. Once again i know you are trying to help....but please think about what your going to say before you say it...sometimes its best not saying anything, i would still know that you care.

And at last, I am thankful for what i do have! I do have an amazing husband who has been my rock throughout all of this. Who has held my hand, who has been my best friend, whose love has carried me through all of this. I have a son who never fails to make me smile. Who teaches me that EVERYDAY i have with him is a gift! My Parents who if i call asking, they would drop everything that second to come to my rescue! Thankful for having a job that can let me have the time off i need when there is medical issues and to help pay the bills here. And not least, For a God who DOES love me, Who DOES understand how i feels, And who forgives me for when i question his ways at times, even though i know he will always lead my family the right way.

Welp i think that's it...This is what i believe and this is how i feel. If you don't agree that is your right, Just like this is my right to stand up for myself.